She was lucky: they were her real parents gave her love, family and home. Writer, blogger, mom remembers my story helps us to understand the feelings of those who are adopted, and the answers to those questions that we don’t always dare to ask.
My experience – this is only my experience. It is clear that all of us who foster children, is different, everyone has their experiences, their feelings – here is the whole palette of emotions from black to white. I do not in any way speak on behalf of all. But I think we each had the opportunity to speak.
The first months of his life I spent in the car. One day mother left me alone and never came back. I was a year, when I was adopted. So I found my real family. Usually others may have many questions, if they know that I was adopted. I heard these questions over the years as I can remember. And I would like to give, finally, the answers. About everything and everyone at once.
1. Orphans in life does not look like orphans with Golden curls that you see in the movies. They’re just kids. They went through trials that many find it difficult even to imagine. They need protection, security and love. In General we all need family. Now I’m 42, and I miss my mom, now deceased. I so want someone to go on thanksgiving. I need someone to worry, I took vitamins that somewhere was the one who always waits for me. We all need that, right? But unlike us, those children still dream of having a family, need family.
2. Foster children may have different feelings about their adoption. I never asked why my mother left me that day. The sense I have, – thanks. Since the adoption, I have found a family, learned what love is, this is what started my real life. Not all adoptees feel the same way. Someone misses their biological parents, for life, which could be in your own family. And they choose not to be grateful. It is their right.
3. Adoption – it’s not something you need to hide, or what is to be ashamed of. For me there was no issue. I always knew I was adopted. So what? Thanks to this I met my family. I never had the feeling that I have something to hide. You just know that this is so. It’s as natural as, for example, that I have a belly button. He is and always has been. If you are a foster parent, tell your child the truth at once. Be honest and open. Remember: he has a right to their history. To protect her – it’s your responsibility. Strangers and even friends need to understand that they don’t necessarily know all the details of this story.
4. Adoption does not mean that you become a child of the second grade. I assure you, although I was a foster kid, and my sister no, I didn’t feel “number two”. My mom didn’t become any less of a mother, and I wasn’t any less of a child because that was not native by blood. I was not because of this less mean spirited in adolescence, as was no less affectionate and loving when I was little. Mom was no less involved in my life and I was willing to stand for both of us. I’ve devoted so much time, attention, love… No, I was not the second!
the book on the topic
5. Some of us say “I was adopted” (used once), others – “I was adopted” (now). These are two big differences. I don’t wear on the breast a badge that says “hi, I’m Madeleine, I’m an adopted child”. Yes, once I was adopted. But other than that about me, you can say a million different things, my identity is not defined by the fact that I was adopted. This is just one piece of my story. And the same can be said of all foster children. Please do not treat an adopted child only as “room”. He or she primarily just child, who is now probably represents himself in his fantasies a ballerina or a cowboy. When he grows up, he can be anyone: a doctor, a friend, a dog lover, a master who weaves baskets. He had a million opportunities, leave them to him.
6. Others do not miss a chance to gossip to your account. Foster families, adoption in their country, foreign adoptions – any good option if his main goal – to give the child love and a home. And that is all that matters. But there is no doubt parents will ask where they are you have adopted, how much they cost the adoption. Humans are curious, ignorant and sometimes very rude. They will always you be the judge, the discussions will be whatever your sexual preferences, your haircut and the way you decorated the house for Christmas… Your family is most important, so – ignore the people talking.
7. Someone of foster children need to find the biological parents – just to close the topic, but it need not all. I never knew my birth parents and thought about how to track them down. But this question terribly interested in those who knows that I’m adopted daughter. Look, I’m not a soap Opera. Perhaps I felt some curiosity, but certainly not painful desire to find them. I hope that my birth mother in order that she got at least a fraction of the happiness that I felt.
8. It is very important that they speak and react as foster parents. Never speak ill of birth parents of the child. He will perceive it as if judging him. Be merciful. If you are a family member or friend, I beg you: watch your words in the presence of a child; before to say something, stop and think, you are not hurting him.
9. The extent to which parents are real, not determined by biological kinship. My mother-my real mother. She supported me when I cried over homework in math, and helped to choose the prom dress, treated my knees when I fell from the bike. She listened to my heartfelt outpourings about how silly boys, she loved me not because of the biological relationship. Adoptive mom ’ s real mom. Adoptive dads – real dads. In all of these. This is not determined by DNA, and love.
10. Adoption is often preceded by pain or loss. The pain of native parents, why they decided to give the child. Injury of a child, who had to go through that shouldn’t bear any child. Poverty and death. All these tragedies are not caused by the adoption, on the contrary – to place the child in foster care is often the best outcome possible.
11. No opinion about adoption should not be more important for adoptive parents than the opinion of the child. I think many people give the adoption too much importance. When I was growing up, it was just a fact, was adoption day, which we celebrated. I knew that my foster mom is always willing to answer any of my questions and that my adoptive parents were willing to do for me all that is needed. I didn’t have to suffer because of some problems in connection with the adoption. I think foster parents often have a hard time admitting that things can be just fine. If you find yourself in this situation in the first place to listen to the child! His opinion on the issue of adoption is more important than all the others. Let him lead you.
When you hear that someone is living with foster parents, or you will notice that the child does not look like their parents, remember that a lot of stereotypes related to adoption, are just wrong. Foster children – not heroes best TV series, they ’ s personality with its own characteristics. We are real people and have real families, and adoption – not the most important part of our own biography and personality. And the parents just love children and meet their needs, whether they are children or not.