Divorce if there is a child
In this article we will concentrate on this topic as a divorce. if you have a child. Should I spoil the life of a child due to the fact that the parents had a fight.
Nowadays nobody can give a guarantee that it will pass so many years, and the couple will die one day, having lived a long, happy family life. Marriages are made in heaven but broken up very prosaic-on the ground among broken shards of a once beautiful love and lost dreams. Causes of destruction of the family very much, they can be associated with the character of the spouses, relations with relatives (especially parents), friends, distribution of functions and roles in the family, the intervention independent of someone’s will circumstances, such as illness or death of any family member. If the family has not had time to have children, then divorce takes place, as a rule, less painful for the couple. If you have children –they are the first, who deeply and sincerely suffering from the breakdown of relationships between parents. For children growing up in an intact family, the presence of mom and dad, sleeping in the same bed, eating at the same table or sitting on the same sofa while watching TV, this phenomenon is familiar and soothing his soul. He says to himself: okay, I’m home, all of us together. It creates a certain steady normal way of life –all in the mind, I will come to school or kindergarten. I come home and I’ll play with the dad and mother will cook us all dinner. Then we eat and sit down to watch TV or let’s just chat. Even if the parents find out the relationship, the child knows that no one is going anywhere and it is still the same, his world will remain.
And then the unexpected happens… some parents just disappears, leaving the child confused and appalled. Most often, according to statistics, the fathers family leave (or are asked to leave, in order “not to hurt the child”). The child begins to ask: where’s dad? Why isn’t he? When will he come? If the mother will be able to keep yourself in hand and be able to be honest with herself and child, she will give the answer. If not –then her first reaction is to yell at the child and disrupt it anger, sometimes-just dump him responsible. However, this is unnecessary, because any child in the care of a parent from the family entirely takes into the account –”It happened because I was bad. I behaved badly and hurt dad (mom). I’m guilty.” He begins to withdraw into himself, becoming irritable, Moody and tearful. He can spend hours strapped in his mother’s arms, preventing her to do anything. He controls her every step, rolling his tantrum whenever she goes somewhere.
In children adolescence sharply lower educational achievement, and behavior is changing for the worse. The teenager may begin to steal, to drink alcohol, is seeking meetings with the wrong crowd, provokes adults scandals. It is understandable. all adults because of their age are perceived as potential enemies who can’t be trusted. Deceased parent becomes a traitor, and defiant behavior can be seen as a way to restore peace of mind through a kind of revenge for all adults, regardless of how much they actually contributed to his problems.
In children of preschool and younger school age appear different phobias, often associated with the fear of losing someone, can develop the fear of death. If the family has young children, then the child who had gone with a parent close emotional bond can develop these traits and behaviors that didn’t like the remaining parent. For example, the wife saw her husband’s selfish, rude person, prone to petty arguments. After leaving her husband she begins in your child to see things that could not stand in his father. Eventually the child begins actively (albeit unconsciously) to demonstrate the behavior and characteristics of the unpleasant mother person. Just so the child protects his right to love the other parent. Because his heart loves them both, leave one of the parents is to cause the child severe emotional pain. Many families are familiar with this situation –if a child does something good, he gets that from such a parent. If he does something bad, you can hear “All you!”. So bad things are perceived remaining parent as meanness from the deceased spouse, which causes the strongest negative emotions.
At the very impressionable children the fear of loss can seriously change the behavior – to the extent that the child can start to suck your fingers, breaking off the nails almost to the blood, peeing in the bed. Can appear different psychosomatic symptoms associated with vomiting, fever, abdominal pain, excessive sweating and fatigue. The child may refuse to eat or from games with once favorite toys. Thus it requires greater attention, because he understands that if something is wrong, mom will stay with him and not going anywhere.
If you still decide to divorce, read the article how to file for divorce .
Although… we are not talking about a situation where divorce is necessary, so as not to expose the violence and humiliation of the children and not to break their psyche.