How to build a mother’s relationship with adult daughter?
We are all children of their parents. We trust them with early childhood – because they raised us and cared for us. Over time, many and become parents themselves, and are surprised to find what it is hard work. But understanding that we are the ones, previous and often have not ended the relationship – for example, mother-daughter time.
With a high probability will not “adjust” to the new realities, and to rebuild completely. The girl grew up, the mother persists – where the roots of this conflict and how it is properly resolved?
Difficult period of growing up
Maturing sons is relatively easier, but not softer. Girls tend to agree with mom, or at least not to conflict once again. But the children quite dramatically declare their own independence and isolation. Therefore, the question “how to build a mother relationship with adult daughter?” is much sharper than in the relationship “son – father”.
The worst thing that you can think of, and that certainly will affect the entire life of girls, the future women are defending their “maturity”. The right to be themselves, to have their own beliefs and causes quarrels, complex relationships grown daughters with my mom. How to establish a mother’s relationship with adult daughter, if both sides persist?
5-7 years. Unconsciously competition “for dad”
The first problems begin before adolescence. They are based on competition mothers and daughters. Who would have thought that I would have to prove his worth five to seven year old daughter?
And if mom has any doubts as to its beauty, success, mind – they certainly will cause severe relationship with her daughter. After all the children have a clear understanding of where we feel comfortable, where you feel ridiculous or incompetent.
The worst thing that can make a mom is seriously to compete with a young daughter. “Why, she tells me my faults!” – troubled mother and it will be wrong. And best of all, from the very first concerted action little girl to compliment her.
Washed a plate, warmed dinner dad in the microwave or dusting in the house, brought the top five – all reason for the recognition of its successes. As a wise cartoon: “the Garbage taken out? Clever girl!”
And the adult daughter who survived this period without any loss, it is worth reflecting on what childhood is long over, and continue the insane competition with my mom at least silly.
13-19 years. Age of first kisses
First walk with the boys (even chastely, on the hand, or the company) can cause problems with mom. Even if she enjoyed success and popularity, it has eaten unconscious envy. Now, mom, “married woman” and besides, the freshness of the first senses to return.
Add to this the typical fears of “what if my daughter is not a virgin? Suddenly, someone will hurt you?”, and you will understand what the mother and daughter-a teenager. In addition to an informed concern for the life, health (physical and mental) of his “krowinski” she is forced to confess to her burgeoning femininity. And how to establish mother’s relationship with adult daughter after absolutely not recognized by the latent competition at this stage of her growing up is unclear. In any case, psychologists are taken to restore the relationship, only when both the mother and the daughter – already self-personality. Otherwise, it would be: “My child is very spoiled! Do something!”
20 and older. After the “rebellion.” Family life
What could be more touching and more pleasant than a daughter who’s getting married, assembles his own family? Only the daughter who doesn’t do these things!
Mom it’s hard to accept what her daughter with her on equal terms. The same or (even worse) – at a higher level takes care of her man, is clean the house and prepares insanely complex dishes.
The next round of competition is exacerbated by the fact that her daughter was able to calmly listen to the claim and “teenage rebellion” she will not be credited. She’s already an adult. At this stage mom’s already thinking about that, it seems, do not want their daughters. But moms are always needed!
This phase of the conflict is the most beneficial, and how to establish mother’s relationship with adult daughter – tell the heart. The easiest way to find those strings, those areas in which the mother needs and can provide invaluable assistance. Raising children? Friendly advice on the farm, when you ask? A vest for all the tears that cause the first grief in family life?
The options are many. But wise and understanding mother know when her daughter begins to “stretch” to my mother, to build completely different, not “children” relationship. Full, friendly, partnership (you – me, I – you) – all characteristics of quality communication mothers and daughters.
The main thing that will help the mother to establish a relationship with adult daughter:
to be useful, but not imposed;
to be a friend, but not to require my daughter to share my mother’s interests.
Active, active mom
“Retired” is the mark. As, however, and grandmother. Ladies don’t want to admit it, but the birth of grandchildren – a joyful event, overshadowed by the new status. But mom, “fifty” to extremes, makes lifting and running around the Cavaliers – no less a shame for her daughter.
On the one hand, “sekishusai swamp”, which is formed even around the working pensioner, tighten. Other activity also should be moderate. The daughter will probably be more respect for the mother if she is active and energetic, if she has her own interests. And if the mother does not neglect the help of a young family – it is a gold mom, and the relationship with her will be the most wonderful!