Why the child is lying
For starters, understand for yourself what lies in your children blame YOU. Yes, it is you, not the school, kindergarten, bad company… Here, for example: your baby is four years old, you come for a visit to aunt Alla that treats you pickles. The child turns away, not wants, says: “Tasteless!” You Chipita: “what! Aunt Alla cooks so well! Don’t talk nonsense!” Next time a son or daughter to his (her) not abused, will not be to say “tasteless” and begin to praise what he doesn’t like, but you or someone else will be pleased to listen to his “reasonable speech”. You parents are asked to come to the phone and say that they’re not home? I have been asked. I went and lied. You scolded twos? And berate me. What did you do to about these twos’t know? We are two guys from the diary tried to “withdraw” with the help of various chemicals or accurately ripped out pages.
The reasons children lie perfectly wrote the psychologist O. Yurchenko in his book “the truth about children’s lies, or what parents need to know young liars”.
Children lie because:
– parents like to invent, facilitating a life half-truths and insincerity;
– there is a lack of attention and warmth from their parents;
– children are afraid of parental anger;
parents are taught that lying is really bad;
– they began to dream and they can’t stop.
Importantly – in any case, when dealing with a child not to scream in indignation: “Yes who are you such a freak?!” Of course, he was born only in you. And do not assume their child a liar and a deceiver, don’t thicken the paint, maybe he’s a dreamer and not a deceiver.
Psychologists believe that the ability to imagine and immerse yourself in the dream world allows a child to overcome injustice, alienation, and sometimes the cruelty of reality. I decided to “breed” her eight year old child to fantasize. There is such situation: in order to safely work on the computer, I had something to puzzle the son (i.e., “send” him away). Here I also speak: “Go draw”. And he begins to moan: “what should I paint?” I’m starting to get annoyed: “you Have that fantasy does not work. Draw so-and-so.” After a while he brings the picture “on, leave me alone” drawn very formal, uninteresting. But with my son I have no time. Once we got stuck in line at the clinic. We have with them and there was nothing, only the leaves and handle. I got bored and remembered psychological tests for children and thought, if others don’t we do that to test my son. I asked him to draw our family in the form of animals. And he did a very funny picture: he’s a tiger, I am the lion, our mom – cat, the grandmother of the owl. The figure was lively and interesting, then we started making up stories about these animals, or us, we traveled unseen rivers, fought with monsters and, of course, won. It was interesting for me and him. I learned a lot about his classmates, as they joke, kidding, kidding each other. In General, two hours in the clinic were spent – my son and get to know each other.
The main thing in dealing with a child not to stand on a pedestal table with a “perfect man”. Tell the children about your blunders, failures, about how you were caught in a lie or a small Scam.
Yes, lies, lies, strife. If the child is lying on a plate, this is a very unpleasant moment. He did not think would probably assembled somewhere, most likely in your same family. Children are able to do so under the influence of someone accompanying you or as his bosom friends. Sometimes children lie-manipulation: if your child doesn’t want to go to music school, he can FIB that he had a headache, or, say, leg.
Children lie to detect is very simple: if you hear an amazingly unheard of history is lying. Teenagers are more difficult, either because they prefer to keep silent or to lie believable, “realistic”. My mom enjoyed a trouble-free method: hang, hang noodles on her ears, she listens, and then look intently at you and say: “come on, honey, look at me.” And I looked down… Her everything is immediately clear. She also brings to clean water and their grandchildren.
Typical baby false expressions:
“It’s not me!”
“Candy I didn’t touch”.
“Vase (sword, Cup, saucer) pushed from the table the cat”.
“I today at school nothing was set”.
“I paused on the walk, because he helped the old woman to bring home a bag”.
“I have your lunch money is not lost, I have someone pulled out”.
“I don’t know why I wrote a comment in the diary.”
“I don’t smoke, just the room was full of smoke”.
“All the guys tried (cigarettes, beer, etc.), but I don’t.”
“Tomorrow we canceled the first two lessons”.
“I’ll never do it again”.
False gestures depend on the age of the child. If your toddler “getscaledimage” or “mudsharking” age, it will be during the lie:
– to pull on his clothes;
If you already “overgrown baby”, he will try to pull away from contacts:
– cross your arms and legs;
– “to hang” face bangs;
– pull the earlobe;
– to hold any object and play with it;
– to examine the fingernails.
How to live through THEIR lies?
To lecture or not to read? In any case, not to read! Close your eyes or not to close? In any case, do not close!
If have you noticed that the child was lying to you:
– Make it clear to the child that you understand everything.
– Don’t react too violently and emotionally, calm down and tune in to peaceful conversation.
– Start a conversation with, that you do not believe that he lied on purpose, maybe he just didn’t understand what could be the consequences of a lie.
– Tell us how you behaved in similar situations.
– Propose to think together about how to live.
– Don’t hesitate to tell the child that, despite his mistakes, you love him and believe in him.
– Do not insult the child, let him know that for you it all still the best.
Psychologists believe that the first reaction of parents to the lies of the child in any case should not be aggressive. Abuse and physical punishment is not a panacea, you are deeply mistaken. If a boy is cheating, because he needs attention and ambiguities, if a girl tells a lie, because he sees himself as “the ugly duckling” and thinks that only lies can make it more meaningful if the child is lying in order to impress, which he apparently can’t produce in other ways, don’t deliberately “pull them out” or to rebuke – especially with witnesses. As we don’t like a public “shame”, so not like it and children. Even when they grow up, they will not forget and will not forgive you this moment of humiliation.
If you think that the child is systematically lying, that does not mean that lying was his habit for life. Actually he is going through a difficult period of development and it raises special issues that require in-depth analysis. And we must not expect children honesty, until we’re honest with ourselves, even in small things.